I travelled recently, and while I waited at a terminal for my connecting flight, I noticed something intriguing about air travelling: Airline.
Let’s start with definitions. Airline is the language used by airlines to communicate with their customers. As an investigator/scientist at heart, I could not help but to take it upon myself the selfless duty of documenting this obscure language. And so I paid close attention throughout my trip, and made an effort to document and analyse it as much as I could, and I now share with the world my efforts in translating some of the most important terms in Airline into plain English.
Note: These results are based on limited observations. Different companies may use other forms of the dialect transcribed here. Content is not rated.
In the context of Flight Tickets
“Business/First Class”
If you like space, and attention, this is the ticket for you. There are less people in the cabin, so the attendant can tend to your special needs at any time, and you don’t have to brush shoulders with anyone throughout your flight
“Economy Class”
If luxury is not your thing, or if you’re not into having your own personal space, and you don’t mind having a person fall asleep on your shoulder, being ignored from time to time, and staying seated for what can seem like an eternity, this plan is for you. As an added benefit, you can save on your expenses. Isn’t that neat ;)
“Waiting List”
Did you suddenly decide to fly, or you made the mistake of not booking your flight early enough and you think you can come on over and get a seat at the very last minute? Well, we can cater to that too. Just come to the airport, have a seat on our lounge and pray that someones dies, gets injured, or simply misses their ride to the airport and we’ll bump you right in; if waiting is not your thing though, we can overbook our flight just for you, and it will only cost you double :)
In the context of Boarding
“Priority boarding for XYZ members is open”
Hey, all of you that paid more than everyone else? You can come in first, nice and slow, and get to the front of the airplane, where you will be in retreat from the rest, and in our good care.
“Economy class is now boarding”
The rest of you can board now. Try not to step over each other while you’re at it.
“Due to the position of plane, priority boarding is not possible. Members of XYZ can board at any time”
Hi. We know that we promised not to mix you with the rest of the population, and that you paid handsomely for that. But unfortunately that won’t be possible right now. Don’t worry though, you will still get more attention from our personnel inside, and a personal apology from our Captain.
In the context of Luggage Limits
“Business/First Class”
Since you are so special to us, we’ll allow you to bring your wardrobe, your shoes closet, your dog, your dog’s wardrobe, and a bathtub onboard.
“Economy Class”
I’m sorry, why do you need more than a hand bag?
In the context of Meals
“Business/First Class”
We have a wide variety of chefs available for your selection. You can taste some of the best cuisine, and fine wine at your choosing.
“Economy Class”
Think of this as a wedding. You can have the chicken, or the fish or nothing. Oh, you’re not hungry right now? Well, I guess you won’t eat then!